TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?HAROLD: A teacher.TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with "I." MILLIE: I is...TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, "I am."MILLIE: All right.... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."TEACHER: Goss, why do you always get so dirty?GOSS: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell "crocodile?" GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-LTEACHER: No, that's wrong.GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.TEACHER: Why are you late, Frank?FRANK: Because of the sign.TEACHER: What sign?FRANK: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."
-*-*-*-*-JOKE OF THE WEEK-*-*-*-*-
A boss wondered why one of his most valued employees had not phoned in sick one day. Having an urgent problem with one of the main computers, he dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whisper. " Hello ? " "Is your daddy home?" he asked. " Yes ," whispered the small voice. May I talk with him?" The child whispered, " No ." Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mommy there?" " Yes ." "May I talk with her?" Again the small voice whispered, " No ." Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, "Is anybody else there?" " Yes ," whispered the child, " a policeman ". Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?" " No, he's busy ", whispered the child. "Busy doing what?" " Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman ," came the whispered answer. Growing more worried as he heard a loud noise in the background through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, "What is that noise?" " A helicopter " answered the whispering voice. "What is going on there?" demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive. Again, whispering, the child answered, " The search team just landed a helicopter ." Alarmed, concerned and a little frustrated the boss asked, "What are they searching for?" Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle... " ME ."
A young scholar from New York was invited to become Rabbi in a small old community in Chicago. On his very first Shabbat, a hot debate erupted as to whether one should or should not stand during the reading of the Ten Commandments.
The next day, the rabbi visited 98 year-old Mr. Katz in the nursing home. "Mr. Katz, I'm asking you, as the oldest member of the community," said the rabbi, "what is our schul's custom during the reading of the Ten Commandments?"
"Why do you ask?" asked Mr. Katz. "Yesterday we read the Ten Commandments. Some people stood, some people sat. The ones standing started screaming at the ones sitting, telling them to stand up. The ones sitting started screaming at the ones standing, telling them to sit down... "
"That," said the old man, "is our custom."
A Jewish man called his mother in Florida.He said to his mother, "How are you doing?"She said, "Not too good. I've been very weak."The son then asked, "Why are you so weak?"She said, "Because I haven't eaten in 38 days."The son then asked, "Why you haven't eaten in 38 days!?"She said, "Because I didn't want my mouth to be filled with food when you called."